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Stupid Fucking Headlines: A Compilation

Updated: Mar 2, 2023

This article is a list of the dumbest freaking headlines that have appeared online since the beginning of Covid-19. I'll be updating it regularly as more stupidity comes out. I know I don't have 'em all, so if you have a great one, send it to me. Let's have some fun!


Wtf is this...



with bonus content

A new TV series is about to hit Quebec airwaves about the tragedy that happened in Lac-Mégantic, Quebec. Our Public Health Minister thought it wise to spend public funds to give health recommendations regarding the viewing of the series, as it may trigger people. See other image for the recommendations.

Bonus content: The recommendations.

Bonus content: the recommendations. 1: Consider limiting your exposure to these images or videos if: a) you feel anxious or stressed after watchin b) you feel like you need to shut the TV off, but you can't . c) you don't feel like participating in fun or relaxing activities d) you having problems sleeping. 2. Do not watch this right before bed. 3. Watch this in a calm and reassuring environment: not too loud, in a space that is not too obscure, etc. 4. Read the synopsis of certain videos that are more sensitive rather than watch. 5. Inform yourself about the content of certain videos by speaking about it with others. 6. Have someone with whom to speak about what you're living through this (friends, family, etc.), 7. Privilege human contact rather than social media to talk about it.

 


 
Your manicure may damage your DNA!  So what is it about a manicure that can do this?  UV light.  Bye bye going outside, tanning beds, and UV light water purification filters.
Your manicure may damage your DNA! So what is it about a manicure that can do this? UV light. Bye bye going outside, tanning beds, and UV light water purification filters.

 
Urban noise increases your risk of a stroke.  I love how so many new studies have come out justifying all the sudden deaths.  Another coincidence!
Urban noise increases your risk of a stroke. I love how so many new studies have come out justifying all the sudden deaths. Another coincidence!

 
Working more than 55 hours a week increase your of a stroke by 35%.  I'm not saying this isn't factual, I haven't verified.  I just find it quite another coincidence that all of these headlines starting coming out after people started dropping dead.
Working more than 55 hours a week increase your of a stroke by 35%. I'm not saying this isn't factual, I haven't verified. I just find it quite another coincidence that all of these headlines starting coming out after people started dropping dead.

 
Being an anxious as a teen increases your risk of a heart attack once adult.  Ok, we're already knew about stress and cortisol: why are these headlines coming out NOW?
Being an anxious as a teen increases your risk of a heart attack once adult. Ok, we're already knew about stress and cortisol: why are these headlines coming out NOW?


 
Strokes, heart attacks: eating 2 sausages per week is enough to increase the risk of death.  2 sausages?  That's awfully precise.  Pretty sure that cold room loaded with sausages at my grandma's house was a death trap: oh wait, she died at 98 from old age.  No cholesterol, no high blood pressure, a gazillion sausages a year.,
Strokes, heart attacks: eating 2 sausages per week is enough to increase the risk of death. 2 sausages? That's awfully precise. Pretty sure that cold room loaded with sausages at my grandma's house was a death trap: oh wait, she died at 98 from old age. No cholesterol, no high blood pressure, a crap-ton of sausages eaten a year.

 
Rise in heart disease may be explained by extreme weather: it's not clear why temperature shifts correlated with more heart attacks. So why the hell are you printing this?!

 
Oh ffs.  "Why gardening could provoke heart disease".  *facepalm*
Oh ffs. "Why gardening could provoke heart disease". *facepalm*

 


 
Why you should spend less time in front of your TV. This was all good, until the subtitle: [...] according to ONE study, abusing of your tv increases your possibility of developing heart disease. May I propose that isn't about watching TV, it's about being inactive? Yes, being inactive makes you unhealthy thus prone to heart issues later on. Why are we blaming the TV?

 
Sleeping less than 6 hours or more than 9 hours increases your risk of a heart attack. I don't even know where to start on this one.

 
One study confirms the risque of a stroke increases after a solar storm. So everything EXCEPT the thing we will not name is causing heart attacks, now?


 
Napping too frequently associated with an important risk of stroke. You just can't make this shit up.

 
Solitude and isolation increases cardiac risks. So what do we do about the isolation, nay, ABANDONMENT, of our loved ones isolated in LTC facilities?



 

I had to include this lovely video from the CDC. I sure as shit didn't die last year living in my van and travelling Canada:


 

Why am I doing this? For her, and all the others:


I am living the worst nightmare of my life. My daughter is going to give birth to a stillborn. And yes, for those asking, she received 2 doses. #RIPLITTLEANGEL



 

...THIS ONE TOO.

 
Vaccination against Covid-19 can modify the menstrual cycle.

 


 



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